Cleopatra and Chocolate Cake.

All right, so it's been over a month since I've posted. Pretty much, my life has been on hiatus. I am enjoying the lazy summer and instead of constant bad luck, I seem to be at a null. The most exciting thing to have happened is counting down the days until our family trip to the Florida Keys. YAYYY!!!

But then....

I started a new book this week, and as I turned a page in this book, a fortune cookie fortune paper fell out.

"Soon you will be sitting on top of the world."

I was giddy, excited that a happy new fun chapter might be starting in my life. That was a Sunday night.

It is now Wednesday. It's been a pretty good week.

I've gotten to spend a lot of time with my li'l sis, just me and her, which has been really great. I also found out that my dad is a brilliant cook. Reading the new book has also put me in this really good mood this week...it's called "The Memoirs of Cleopatra", so (duh) it's all about the beloved Queen of the Nile. Just reading about how strong and amazing she is kind of rubs off on me and makes me walk around trying to be that way as well.

So, on Monday at work at the hotel, in walk these two young guys in suits. They're here for a week on business. I don't pay a lot of attention to them at first, being that I'm on this dating fast for a while and have no desire to be in any way involved with any man...however, one of them keeps dropping these comments to his co-worker about rockclimbing, working out, macho stuff, blah blah blah. This makes me roll my eyes literally, of course.

But, then, a little while later, one of the guys comes back downstairs to make his way out to the gym -- the guy that had been bragging about rockclimbing and all that jazz. I actually observe him this time, however, and he's pretty cute. Tan, dark hair, and these gorgeous big gray eyes. He asks me if the gym is across the street and, distracted by observing his looks, I say, "Oh yeah. And there's a tanning bed, too." Insert foot in mouth #1. He just looks at me.

"Uhh, tanning bed?"

The phone rings, saved by the bell. I'm red in the face beyond belief and can't believe that statement had really just come out of my mouth.

The next day I see him again, and he makes a comment about the tanning bed, so the hopes I'd had before about how maybe he hadn't heard me when I'd said it flew out the window. I then said, "Hey, your partner just walked out the door to go get food."

Wow. Insert foot in mouth #2.

"Partner?" He asks. "First the tanning bed, and now my partner? You must think I'm gay."

"Uh, I put my foot in my mouth a lot," I joke.
"Oh yeah?" he says, grinning. "How does it taste?

Then he asks me out for dinner with him, so I feel relieved that he actually has a sense of humor.

Unfortunately, I'm working so I can't go to dinner with him that night.

So, we talk for quite a while that night, and I learn that he is not only getting more and more extremely good looking as he keeps talking, but he's also intelligent, he's got a masters degree at only 23, and we have some unusual, but refreshing things in common. He also likes to keep eye contact 100% of the time as he's talking to you, so I tried my best to do the same. It was hard. I almost passed out.

I hated to leave last night. I wanted to keep talking and getting to know him.

But today was the kicker. He came in and talked for a bit and then, when he came back from dinner, he had a bag in his hand.

"I brought you chocolate cake," he grins. I just stared at him. I wasn't sure if he was being serious. Did he realize just how much I am obsessed with chocolate?

"Are you trying to win my heart?" I ask him.
"Hmmm, who knows," is his coy reply.

This is the best chocolate cake I've ever had in my life and ol' Gray Eyes is definitely winning points with currently Man-Hating Tabitha.

Stay tuned.....

Case of the Bad Luck Blues

So, I've had a surge of empowerment tonight, and I'm not sure exactly why, but thank God for it.
I've had the worst luck these last two weeks. Allow me to share:

1.) The BAD break-up.
2.) I was walking across school campus minding my own business, when I was suddenly attacked by a random goose on the campus lawn. It chased me 100 yards as I was squealing before the maintenance man came out and saved me.
3.) I was simply picking up a champagne bottle out of my car to take in the house and the cork randomly exploded out of the bottle and popped me in the face.
4.) I was left stranded downtown in Athens this weekend by my "friends".
5.) I was pursued and asked out by a really great guy. He said he'd call Monday night to make plans for the weekend. It is now Thursday night, and I have not heard from him.

What the hell? I mean, at the risk of sounding arrogant, I'm a good catch. I don't want a relationship, but some fun dates/attention from a good looking member of the opposite sex would be appreciated.

Looks like the only man a woman can count on these days is Captain Morgan. Ah, God bless him.

How do you fall in love with your life?

I want to be in love with my life again.

How do I accomplish this?

How do I fall in love with my life again? What is it that makes me actually be in love with my life? Is it the adoration from a man? Is it doing well in school? Is it excelling at work? Is it making and saving money? Is it being with friends? Is it meeting new people and networking? Is it spending lots of time with my family? Is it taking up new hobbies, or trying new things? Facing my fears? Being completely independent and not relying on my parents to take care of me anymore? Obsessively writing more, as I used to do?

What is it that makes me fall in love with my life? What is it that makes anyone fall in love with his or her life?

There are some things that have happened to me lately that have not been good. I constantly think about karma—about the way that I have treated people in the past, and I wonder if this is my karma being served to me.

I vowed to make 2009 a good year, no matter what obstacles were thrown at me. I was doing pretty well with this until recently. I’ve been working hard in school. I’ve been working my butt off to make money, and to save it. I’ve been more considerate of those people around me, especially my family. I stood up for what I believed in at my old hospital job and I can’t even begin to tell you how incredibly liberating that was. I finally was at a place where I said, “Okay, this isn’t where I thought I’d be at 23, but that’s okay. I’m happy, I’m doing things right, and I’m surrounded by friends and family that love me.”

The first obstacle of the year was thrown at not just me, but my family as well. We all went through something tough at the beginning of the year, but we got through it, and it brought us together even closer than before.

Now, it is June. Half of the year is gone. I have lost a best friend and someone I cared about very much in a way that was harsh. It was not on my end, but his, and sparing details that I don’t really want to go into, the person I thought I knew became someone completely different in less than a month’s time. I don’t deserve the unkind words that were shot at me, however, these words have brought me down to a level mentally that I’m not sure how to climb back up from.

Maybe it is because I am getting older and I deal with things differently than I did before, but I have not retaliated with harsh words or contact. I feel like keeping my dignity in tact is something more important than getting a point across. Uh oh. Is Tabitha growing up…?

So, what do you do when you have made plans with your life that include someone else, and then that someone else fades away on you? What kind of fresh perspective do you develop on your life? How do you transition from routine occurrences—such as abruptly being stopped from talking to someone that you’ve been talking to every day for over a year? Life seems to get more difficult as you get older, doesn’t it?

No one else can dictate your day or your mood, as my mother told me. You are in control of that. But sometimes, it’s tough to smile when you feel crummy inside and it’s tough to look in the mirror when your confidence level has significantly decreased.

Certainly time heals all wounds, doesn’t it? I don’t want to wait for time to smooth it out. This is my summer. I want to be optimistic about my life and about the people and things coming in and out of it. I know there is a reason for everything and I want to know now what the reason for the recent events in my life.

I used to think it was ridiculous when girls would say to me, “I need to meet a guy to get over my ex-boyfriend.” And I still do think this is a ridiculous concept in general, however, I now sort of see where this comes from. It would certainly do a lot for your endorphin levels and self-esteem to hear a male say, “Hey, you’re pretty cool and fun to hang out with.”

One interesting thing is that because of the recent events in my life, I suddenly feel like going out and doing and experiencing things I never have before. Things that scare me, things I’ve always been too chicken to do…

Anyway, I’m in the process of trying to figure out how to fall in love with my life. Stay tuned.

UGH!

I don't know if this is going to be a very happy/funny blog as usual...

Here are some things I'm really sick of at the moment:

*Discover Card calling every phone at the Freeman residence, even though I have been paying them what they demand every month.

*Giving 110% in every job I have and not getting compensated for it.

*Cell phone service not going out to Iraq or Afghanistan.

*Stamps going up AGAIN next week.

*Doing what's best for everyone else and not me, yet getting a guilt trip when I actually try to step up and do what's best for me....even a compromise.

*Being stressed about things I have no control over or that don't matter that much.

*Group projects.

*Obama.

*Going to the gym. Why can't i just sit around and get supermodel skinny/tan while watching american idol and eating oreos?

All right, all right. I know. I should be in a more optimistic state of mind. I did just quit the worst job in the world and that really took a load off. And warm weather is finally getting here. And I'm not wasting so much money in gas...Why am I such a debbie downer?

Maybe it's because I don't even get to watch American Idol tonight because I am at work:( Boo.

I Hate Group Work

Soooo....

I have two work days left until I am FINALLY done with the hospital. Woop woop!! Tomorrow and next wednesday will be my last days. *Sniffle*...oh you know I am just sooooooo sad!

Luckily, I have been given five 8 hour shifts at the Hampton and am also doing some awesome work for this amazing company called ValDevTec. Haven't heard of it? Go online at veldevtec.com. It's pretty cool and I work for a pretty phenomenal boss lady, too :)

The only problem with the new hours at the Hampton -- not that I am not grateful, because I am -- is that three of those shifts are night audits (11pm-7am) Friday through Sunday. This shoots down any social life I might try to have and also, Mom is not too keen on it. Rightfully so. I am taking two Maymester classes from 8am-2pm Mon-Fri so it's gonna be really hard to drag through those night shifts. PLUS, I have an internship at the High Museum of Art on Saturday afternoons, so what am I supposed to do about that?

I have this problem about doing what's best for everyone else and not myself and I don't know how much longer I can do this. My boss at the Hampton is one of my best buds, so bringing this up to him that I need to do what's better for me and not him is going to be tough. A part of me just wants to wait it out through the summer and see how I handle it all....Stress. When you get rid of one stress, another replaces it, seems like.

Speaking of stress, I hate group projects. Yeah, I'm an alpha-female and I'd rather just do everything in a group project because at least I know I get it done right.

But no, I try to play with the team like I'm supposed to in my Eastern Religions class and what happens?

I'm working with a bunch of 19-yr-old don't know or care what they wanna do with their lives, so they'll wait until a day before the project is due to start working on it. I'm sorry, I work 60 hours a week and try to manage this school thing -- I can't afford to procrastinate.

Here was the initial plan -- There are 5 of us. We have to research a religion, write a paper on it, and present some kind of visual to the class. Not a big deal, easy to get done, right?

Oh of course not. I'm Tabitha Freeman. God has a sense of humor.

So my part is to research the biggest part of the project -- the history and dogmas of this religion. Cool. The others do the same and one guy volunteers to compile all of our research stuff together into the paper. I keep my mouth shut, even though in the back of my mind, I hear a voice screaming, "NO TABITHA! YOU DO THIS! IT WON'T GET DONE RIGHT IF YOU DON'T!!!!"

Over a week before the project is due, I send this guy oodles of info. Two days before the project is due, he emails me back and tells me I need to put all this info in a paragraph. Apparently, he is getting everyone to write a paragraph and he's just gonna stick it together for the paper.

UH, HELLO?!! Is this going to flow right, sound right, look right? No. Is he a lazy hash smoker that doesn't feel like writing anything? Yes.

So I fire back at him in an email. I am too old for this crap and pay too much money for this class to make anything less than an A on this project.

I point out to him the cons of doing things this way and offer to just write the whole paper myself. Also, I let him know he's a freakin goober for waiting over a week to ask me to do this and he shouldn't have volunteered to compile stuff in the first place if he wasn't going to do it right. Freakin A.

So he emails me back, says he's doing what he's supposed to do and he will make everything flow right. But if it's too much to ask, he can just write my part for me. Okay, sir, that was your job in the first place, but I am COMPLETELY COMPETENT of writing my own damn stuff! So I send him my stuff. Oh God, he freaks because it is longer than one paragraph. HELLO!!!! It's over the history and doctrines of an ancient religion!!! Did he think that was just gonna be five sentences? Is he retarded? No, really. Retarded?

So he sends us the final copy THIS MORNING when the project is due in TWO HOURS. It sucks and he took out half of what I wrote, so nothing makes sense. If we make less than an A on this, he is going down in a ball of flames.

Did I mention this is the last guy I went on a date with that had mommy issues and likes to talk about the one time he crapped himself?

Should I insert "story of my life" phrase here, or is it just assumed at this point?

The guy that did the powerpoint for this was supposed to send me that. Did he? No. Do I even know if it's done? No.

So, in two hours I have a project to present and I guess we're all just gonna "wing it".

I hate group projects.

On a better note, they keep asking me to pick up all these shifts at the hospital between now and my last day because they don't have enough qualified people to cover. Oh darn. I can't. I'm busy picking my freaking nose. Good luck.

Ah, that does feel good I gotta say.

Dunzo

I quit the hospital.
Well, no point in beating around the bush. I put in my two weeks notice yesterday. In a nutshell, I stood up for what I believed in, what was right, and was reprimanded for doing so in front of my other co-workers.
I am so relieved. I feel like it was the right thing to do and I've never been more excited for the next two weeks to FLY by. I could've burned bridges. I probably should have. But I chose not to, which I also feel was the right decision.
My boss at the hotel is super excited to give me more hours....I am hoping I can pick up five 8 hour shifts. I know it's full time, but when you're used to working 12-14 hr shifts, 8 hours is a blessing. Plus, it's an environment where I can do my homework, so it won't interfere with school too much.
Plus, it will be nice not to have to get up at 4:30 a.m. anymore. :)
Wow, I can't even put into words how incredibly liberated I feel.

Let's Venture Into LOW CALORIE Hell Now.

So...
After five days in low carb hell, I decided maybe it wasn't the best idea. Sure, after 3 days, I'd lost 5 pounds (of water weight), however I was completely depleted of energy, couldn't go to the bathroom because I wasn't getting any fiber either, and basically the big deal breaker was the mac and cheese and chocolate cake mom made last night.
So now, 5 pounds down, I'll just be sticking to low-carb. Mom and I are going to the gym, which makes me feel better that in 30 or so days, I might just be slammin in a bikini for panama city....let's hope.
Oh sure, right now after doing some weight training excercises at the gym, I can't feel my entire upper half, but I'm sure that will pass....let's hope. I had to pop a pain pill just so my muscles would quit sobbing from pain.

Also, I can't make myself like water. I just can't do it. I thought I could if I drank enough....and I've been drinking PLENTY. But I can't. It just sucks. It's tasteless and boring and just yuck.

But I'll suck it up.

Yellow bikini, yellow bikini, yellow bikini.......

Down 5 pounds, 15 to go.

(I thought I'd give myself a few extra pounds to lose just so when I start eating again, it gives me a little weight gaining room, yeah?)