The Bartender. 15K, Baby!

I have a correction to make to my previous blog "A Letter To The Love Of My Life". Well, kind of.

You see, I met a bartender at some point before Christmas of 2008 and he blew up my phone practically. I couldn't remember what he looked like, really, because I'd been a little inebriated to say the least when I'd met him. I didn't actually run into him again, however, until after the New Year had begun. Oh, my. So this is how we start of the new year of 2009 already.



So this guy keeps texting and calling me to come to his place of work and he says he'll get me a free drink. Well, being the alcoholic that I am, I accept finally. Except, I take my mother and my best friend with me. We walk into the restaurant where he works, and while i hide behind a pillar, I ask my mom and my friend to look at him and tell me if it's a go.

My mom is laughing and my friend keeps saying, "Why does he keep walking like a hunchback?"

At this point, it's not too late, he hasn't seen me, we could go to another place to eat. So I beg.

"Please, Mom, can we just go to the Mexican resaurant???"

Oh, she's a cruel woman. Of course not. She wants to enjoy this. So they drag me over to sit down at the bar and I'm thinking, Hey, maybe he won't see me. Maybe he'll leave or get stuck int he back washing dishes.

No no no of course not. Not my luck.

He immediately sees me and makes a beeline. He ignores my friend and my mother and asks me what free drink I would like.

Eh. My mom wasn't too impressed by this. We had to flag him down practically to get him to acknowledge my mother and friend's orders.

I got a new kind of alcoholic beverage that I was excited to try, except this guy turns out to be an awful bartender and messes it up. Well, there's another ten points lost for being bad at mixing treats.

Why did he lose the first ten points, you might ask? Oh, because he was unnattractive and walked like Quasi Moto.

He comes over and starts trying to talk to me.

First, he opens his conversation with, "So you're not crying." Because apparently I'd been so drunk the first time I'd met him that I'd become teary eyed. Which, in my defense, is the first time that's ever happened in my life, and I have no idea what it was about. A Hallmark commercial had probably come on the bar t.v.
WHO SAYS THAT? Is that a good opening line to impress the girl you're trying to impress? Genius gentleman.
Then, he follows up this incredibly intelligent statement with, "So, I hear you have two jobs. So do I." Well, I honestly am impressed for a second. I can totally respect anyone that works really hard for what they want or have. So I inquire about this second job, interested.
"I gamble online. Yeah, I made 15K this year." Yes, he did say "15K".
Luckily, my mother and friend have both looked away at this point so that I can keep a straight face. Let me tell you about my REAL second job, you putz!!!

So after about fifteen minutes of recovering from learning all about this guy's incredibly ambitious lifetime goals, he comes up to me and says he has to leave because business is slow that night and that he has something cool in his car he wants to show me. I say, in the nicest way possible, that I'm not going out at 10 pm to his car with him. First of all, I wouldn't leave the people I came with, and secondly, I guess he didn't realize that I watch cold case and crime library religiously. THERE IS NO WAY I AM GOING TO HIS CAR WITH HIM.
But he just keeps pushing for me to do it. Finally, my mom puts her hand on my shoulder and says to him, "She's not going anywhere with you." (in that 'mom' voice. You know what I'm talking about.)
This probably puts the fear into him, so I say, "Hey, if it's really that cool, just bring it in here."
He just smiles and says okay and leaves.

He never comes back. He never calls. Never texts. He is gone from the face of the Earth as we know it into the online gambling matrix.

No, but seriously, getting rid of that putz was so easy for me, thanks to my mom. I am now taking her along on every date.

Ah, it's not even past the first month into 2009, and it's already started off with a BANG. Looks like there's a possibility I'm still a Magneto of Crazy Dating.