How do you fall in love with your life?

I want to be in love with my life again.

How do I accomplish this?

How do I fall in love with my life again? What is it that makes me actually be in love with my life? Is it the adoration from a man? Is it doing well in school? Is it excelling at work? Is it making and saving money? Is it being with friends? Is it meeting new people and networking? Is it spending lots of time with my family? Is it taking up new hobbies, or trying new things? Facing my fears? Being completely independent and not relying on my parents to take care of me anymore? Obsessively writing more, as I used to do?

What is it that makes me fall in love with my life? What is it that makes anyone fall in love with his or her life?

There are some things that have happened to me lately that have not been good. I constantly think about karma—about the way that I have treated people in the past, and I wonder if this is my karma being served to me.

I vowed to make 2009 a good year, no matter what obstacles were thrown at me. I was doing pretty well with this until recently. I’ve been working hard in school. I’ve been working my butt off to make money, and to save it. I’ve been more considerate of those people around me, especially my family. I stood up for what I believed in at my old hospital job and I can’t even begin to tell you how incredibly liberating that was. I finally was at a place where I said, “Okay, this isn’t where I thought I’d be at 23, but that’s okay. I’m happy, I’m doing things right, and I’m surrounded by friends and family that love me.”

The first obstacle of the year was thrown at not just me, but my family as well. We all went through something tough at the beginning of the year, but we got through it, and it brought us together even closer than before.

Now, it is June. Half of the year is gone. I have lost a best friend and someone I cared about very much in a way that was harsh. It was not on my end, but his, and sparing details that I don’t really want to go into, the person I thought I knew became someone completely different in less than a month’s time. I don’t deserve the unkind words that were shot at me, however, these words have brought me down to a level mentally that I’m not sure how to climb back up from.

Maybe it is because I am getting older and I deal with things differently than I did before, but I have not retaliated with harsh words or contact. I feel like keeping my dignity in tact is something more important than getting a point across. Uh oh. Is Tabitha growing up…?

So, what do you do when you have made plans with your life that include someone else, and then that someone else fades away on you? What kind of fresh perspective do you develop on your life? How do you transition from routine occurrences—such as abruptly being stopped from talking to someone that you’ve been talking to every day for over a year? Life seems to get more difficult as you get older, doesn’t it?

No one else can dictate your day or your mood, as my mother told me. You are in control of that. But sometimes, it’s tough to smile when you feel crummy inside and it’s tough to look in the mirror when your confidence level has significantly decreased.

Certainly time heals all wounds, doesn’t it? I don’t want to wait for time to smooth it out. This is my summer. I want to be optimistic about my life and about the people and things coming in and out of it. I know there is a reason for everything and I want to know now what the reason for the recent events in my life.

I used to think it was ridiculous when girls would say to me, “I need to meet a guy to get over my ex-boyfriend.” And I still do think this is a ridiculous concept in general, however, I now sort of see where this comes from. It would certainly do a lot for your endorphin levels and self-esteem to hear a male say, “Hey, you’re pretty cool and fun to hang out with.”

One interesting thing is that because of the recent events in my life, I suddenly feel like going out and doing and experiencing things I never have before. Things that scare me, things I’ve always been too chicken to do…

Anyway, I’m in the process of trying to figure out how to fall in love with my life. Stay tuned.